I dreamed this morning that I woke up next to you. I held your hand, wrapped my fingers through yours. I pulled your arm across my ribs, settled my spine into the soft flesh of your stomach. You pressed your lips against the back of my neck. You rubbed the tip of your nose across my shoulder, pushing away my hair until you got to my skin. You inhaled so deep I could feel the heat of your ribs move away from my shoulder blades. You ran your thumb over the back of my knuckles, up the inside my arm, held me by the elbow. You whispered, “Good Morning” and your breath was warm and sweet against the edge of my ear.
I dreamed this morning that you knew how to hold me; knew how to turn my stomach inside out; knew exactly how my chin became my neck and my neck became my heart—that you were mine.
I woke up and my hands were empty; my skin was cold; my mouth was dry. I woke up and you belonged to some other place that wasn’t here; some other bed that wasn’t mine; some other space that I only wish I could get to.
Maybe, one day I will get there. Maybe, one day I’ll open my eyes and when I reach out for your hand, you’ll be right next to me, reaching out for me, too.
Tears fall In remembrance of what is and not And yet it’s a feeling of utter Liberation As the salt touched cheeks Turn into water filled creeks Ushering the tears away from the source And cause Even if it connects with your chest Exploding Like the hard spray Of a waterfall Gushing Slamming Crushing Your lungs to the breaking point Of leaving the past And turning towards A new future ahead To whatever might come your way As there is nothing you can do
A while ago I said I’d write…then I didn’t. Life got in the way. Now my words are bursting through to the brim of my brain. I can’t sleep or wake properly. My memories haunt me my thoughts are stuck on replay. Got to get them out! out! out!