Ditties by Deviva
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Poems becoming Songs & Songs broken into poetry
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Soon never comes…


my imagination waits
to see you again
the light in your
ever changing eyes

your smile of hope
and mischief
the sound of English
words on foriegn lips

the smell of salt, sea
and cologne you always
seemed to be

the way your soft skin
was inturruped by wirey
maculine folicles

your expression flitting from
vunerable boyishness to intense
piercing strength

the ability you had to know me
without saying anything
to hope for me without
losing yourself

I keep thinking soon…soon
but soon never comes
Today he saidthat he readmy poems…and that was enough

Today
he said
that he read
my poems

…and that was enough

Secret Shelter
image
Who am I now
that you are gone
where can my secrets
find shelter…

My form seems lighter
without tragic longing
the stress of indecision
lifted from me
            ~
Yet life is without color
an endless road
without each other
I miss the questions
held in your eyes
            ~
and the heavy silences
that we shared
full of understandings
never to be laid bare
             ~
You bore my ugly truths
with dignity and dedication
understanding encompassing
my humiliation

Coward that I am
why couldn’t I your hand
and follow you…

I dreamed this morning that I woke up next to you. I held your hand, wrapped my fingers through yours. I pulled your arm across my ribs, settled my spine into the soft flesh of your stomach. You pressed your lips against the back of my neck. You rubbed the tip of your nose across my shoulder, pushing away my hair until you got to my skin. You inhaled so deep I could feel the heat of your ribs move away from my shoulder blades. You ran your thumb over the back of my knuckles, up the inside my arm, held me by the elbow. You whispered, “Good Morning” and your breath was warm and sweet against the edge of my ear.

I dreamed this morning that you knew how to hold me; knew how to turn my stomach inside out; knew exactly how my chin became my neck and my neck became my heart—that you were mine.

I woke up and my hands were empty; my skin was cold; my mouth was dry. I woke up and you belonged to some other place that wasn’t here; some other bed that wasn’t mine; some other space that I only wish I could get to.

Maybe, one day I will get there. Maybe, one day I’ll open my eyes and when I reach out for your hand, you’ll be right next to me, reaching out for me, too.

Maybe, one day.

Kristen Fiore // Maybe One Day  (via girlvswhale)


…I couldn’t have said it any better

image

My heart misses

being loved

it lies crumpled

in a corner of loneliness

a dry shadow

of yesterdays hope

and passion



…but I know…its my own damn fault

Pulled…from the inside
— the emptiness pulls me from inside
I am caving into myself
but…there is no where to land
an eternal fall
without heaven or hell

no place to stand
no one sees me
my soul sits alone

eyes downcast
wet with memories
of when I was full
of when he was here
with me

You’ve scaled the battlements of my heart
and now my defenses are few


…so love me

…love me

like you do

Cut me off

image

I don’t want forgiveness
I want freedom
from obligation,
necessary thinking
and decision making.

Cut me off my own line
flee from my lack
of insecurity
run before you see me
stab myself again

before I fall down.
Oh!  …the flat ground…



Never enough…

image

Of you I can’t get enough…

There are not enough
touches
not enough
kisses
that can fill my cup

Our pleasure feels like memory
while I still hold your lips
in my own
knowing that this moment
is already gone

I can’t hold you tight enough
to make time stop stealing
you from me

Oh my God…I am gonna breakand I don’t know how to stop myself.prayingmeditatingredirecting…all my energiesstill this crazy passioncontinues to resurfacetry as I mightit is pushing to break freeI lay at nighteyes wide openwondering…am I betraying the real me?

Oh my God…
I am gonna break
and I don’t know
how to stop myself.

praying
meditating
redirecting
…all my energies

still this crazy passion
continues to resurface
try as I might
it is pushing to break free

I lay at night
eyes wide open
wondering…

am I betraying the real me?

It’s okay…

image


Its ok to cry
its ok to hurt
it means that it was real
and the Love
was of such worth

that it penetrated your heart
passing layers of dry cynicism
regrets and resentments

to the soft center
of your heart
that still held hope
and pure life

its ok to cry
its ok to hurt
because you shared love
…he is not gone
…not yet

image

missing you
washes over me
like the cold lonely waves
of the ocean at midnight

your warmth still resonates
in my memory

your smile like sunlight
lighting up the barren places
of my soul

His soul was a joyto unfoldhis smilea treasure of happinessand hopehis eyes both innocentand wiseknowing and kindhis desire gave me wingsto fly above grave realities…if only for a little whilewe shared the sameloving smile…if only for a little whileI felt deeply againlike a child

His soul was a joy
to unfold

his smile
a treasure of happiness
and hope

his eyes both innocent
and wise
knowing and kind

his desire gave me wings
to fly above grave
realities

…if only for a little while
we shared the same
loving smile

…if only for a little while
I felt deeply again
like a child

Worn Canvas

image

I am as much a blank slate
as the day I was born
except that my life canvas
is weathered
and worn

The sun still shines
even if the clouds are grey
and I am unsure what kind
of portrait I will make

Living in uncertainty
is my new reality
or perhaps it was always so
covered by my need
for self control

Sometimes keeping things together means letting go…

:(

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