Ditties by Deviva
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Poems becoming Songs & Songs broken into poetry
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He is a door I just can’t seem to close.
— Deviva
Weary Eyes

He loved me
his eyes unflinching
his heart full
of courage and hope

He waited on my desire
placing his world
on hold

His love was
steadfast and honest
humble and beautiful
in the simplicity of its gift

He offered me his future
with the innocence
of a child
How could I refuse?
yet I had to…

Then looking back on his 
slackening frame
as sorrow pulls my mouth
and regret clenches my fingers
Now I grit my teeth
as someone else
dries his weary eyes
Silent retreat

such a gentlemen
you let me go so sweetly
you withdrew your heart
in silent breaths
I almost didn’t feel it leave me

so compassionate
your retreat
I can only stand
in silent sadness

as the warmth
that is you
into darkness

You see…I am a recovering addict. And you would be my drug of choice. So, I have to shut you down.
— Deviva
Painful lessons

When will I learn
the time has come
to stop giving
myself away

When will I learn
that hope hurts
and dreams are secrets
I should keep in my head

A part of my soul
is lost

…drowning under
my own fingertips

Arch of Us

discovery to friendship
friendship to love
love to hope
hope to patience
patience to frustration
frustration to resignation
resignation to nothing
nothing to regret
But I thank you…
again and again
Dare To Be…
your footsteps lead further
and further away from me
the winds blot out their form 
with every passing hour

so many times
I thought to follow
I dared myself
to be someone new

but in the end
It was I who never came through

…for you …for us
Soon never comes…

my imagination waits
to see you again
the light in your
ever changing eyes

your smile of hope
and mischief
the sound of English
words on foriegn lips

the smell of salt, sea
and cologne you always
seemed to be

the way your soft skin
was inturruped by wirey
maculine folicles

your expression flitting from
vunerable boyishness to intense
piercing strength

the ability you had to know me
without saying anything
to hope for me without
losing yourself

I keep thinking soon…soon
but soon never comes
Today he saidthat he readmy poems…and that was enough

he said
that he read
my poems

…and that was enough

Secret Shelter
Who am I now
that you are gone
where can my secrets
find shelter…

My form seems lighter
without tragic longing
the stress of indecision
lifted from me
Yet life is without color
an endless road
without each other
I miss the questions
held in your eyes
and the heavy silences
that we shared
full of understandings
never to be laid bare
You bore my ugly truths
with dignity and dedication
understanding encompassing
my humiliation

Coward that I am
why couldn’t I your hand
and follow you…

I dreamed this morning that I woke up next to you. I held your hand, wrapped my fingers through yours. I pulled your arm across my ribs, settled my spine into the soft flesh of your stomach. You pressed your lips against the back of my neck. You rubbed the tip of your nose across my shoulder, pushing away my hair until you got to my skin. You inhaled so deep I could feel the heat of your ribs move away from my shoulder blades. You ran your thumb over the back of my knuckles, up the inside my arm, held me by the elbow. You whispered, “Good Morning” and your breath was warm and sweet against the edge of my ear.

I dreamed this morning that you knew how to hold me; knew how to turn my stomach inside out; knew exactly how my chin became my neck and my neck became my heart—that you were mine.

I woke up and my hands were empty; my skin was cold; my mouth was dry. I woke up and you belonged to some other place that wasn’t here; some other bed that wasn’t mine; some other space that I only wish I could get to.

Maybe, one day I will get there. Maybe, one day I’ll open my eyes and when I reach out for your hand, you’ll be right next to me, reaching out for me, too.

Maybe, one day.

Kristen Fiore // Maybe One Day  (via girlvswhale)

…I couldn’t have said it any better


My heart misses

being loved

it lies crumpled

in a corner of loneliness

a dry shadow

of yesterdays hope

and passion

…but I know…its my own damn fault

Pulled…from the inside
— the emptiness pulls me from inside
I am caving into myself
but…there is no where to land
an eternal fall
without heaven or hell

no place to stand
no one sees me
my soul sits alone

eyes downcast
wet with memories
of when I was full
of when he was here
with me

You’ve scaled the battlements of my heart
and now my defenses are few

…so love me

…love me

like you do

Cut me off


I don’t want forgiveness
I want freedom
from obligation,
necessary thinking
and decision making.

Cut me off my own line
flee from my lack
of insecurity
run before you see me
stab myself again

before I fall down.
Oh!  …the flat ground…

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